Hey man! You must be Barry. I'm NoHo Hank. I trust the flight was good, no? Are you hungry? I mean, do you want a submarine sandwich? If you're thirsty, we've got juice boxes, Hawaiian Punch, or maybe beer or something? So, we're gonna do this outside, if that's okay. His daughter has some friends over, huh? They're watching their Jessie. We haven't been in LA long, but we've made a lot of progress. The harbours, identity theft, meth, 99 Cent Stores. Business has been going great. Recently, personal matter has cropped up which needs to be kept seperate from the business, so we called you. This is Ryan Madison. He's a physical trainer in Silver Lake. He works with Goran's wife, Oksana. They've been training together for - what do you think? What do you think, two? Two, three months? Hmm? Yeah? Over the past few weeks, these sessions became more frequent. Goran asked me to follow her, and I became aware that they were taking up at a Holiday Inn in Studio City. I snuck a lipstick camera - similar to this one - in the room and got... this.
(Why would I want to see this? Turn that off. Turn it off!)
Come on. I wanted to give him the whole--
(He gets it. You already said they are taking up in hotel. Why show footage?)
It's important for him to know!
(You are just impressed with yourself for planting camera.)
I am not impr--
(Trash that footage.)
Okay.
(So you guys want him gone?
Yes.)
Yes.
(Good, okay.)
We pay you--
(No, you don't pay me anything. Fuches takes care of the money. I just need his name and address, and it'll be done in a couple of days.)
That sounds good.
(Alright. Now, there's a lot of ways I can, uh, do this for you. Um... One of them is I could stab him in the nut. That's something I - I did once, and I am very comfortable doing it again.
What?
Or not.
Why?
Forget about it.
Who would want this?)
Can't you just shoot him?
(Yeah, no, I--)
Because being shot is very painful. Have you ever been shot? Huh. I have. It's, like, crazy painful.
(Anything is better than stabbing guy in nut.
I'll shoot him. I'll shoot him. I'll shoot him.)
Okay. Goran... I think he is going to shoot him.
---
What the fuck? What the fuck? They were hugging.
---
Now. Now, now, now, now, now. Now! Take the shot! Shoot him!
(Don't pull that gun on me, man. Don't pull that gun on me.)
Now! Take the shot! Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now!
---
You know, Barry, I have to be honest, I'm quite a bit angry. But I'm going to put that aside for now, because rage is counterproductive, yes? And I know, if the situation were reversed, I probably would have done same thing you did.
(You did do what I did. You tried to kill me.)
Okay, well, now we're getting little "he said, she said". Uh, okay, so, Barry - so, after you were finished shooting me, right, and, uh, I had lost consciousness, did you perhaps take something out of the car?
(No.)
No? Like, specifically off the dashboard, maybe?
(No.)
Small blinking item?
(Wait, you didn't bring that fucking lipstick camera with you, did you?)
What? No! That would be super crazy, huh? This conversation never happened, okay? Hey, Goran, Barry and Fuches, on the silver plate.
(You did not think I would find you? You killed two of my men. One of them, Lucky, was best Chechen assassin.
Well, he wasn't that great.
Hey, let's not--
You put me in big fucking bind, Barry. Lucky, he had job to do tonight. He was to take out guy who give us some confidential information.)
About a Bolivian stash house.
(Shut the fuck up.)
Oh.
(Now, I make calls to my family and they are sending someone to take Lucky's place, but who knows how long that will take. This hit is - this hit is urgent.
No way.
Why not?
Why would I work for you, man? You double-crossed me. I don't like it when people do that.
Aw. That's water under bridge.
Have one of these guys do it.
They are not assassins. They are muscle. Big difference.
Well, have Hank do it.
You fucked him up!)
Yeah. Yeah, this arm is bullshit.
(Right, well... What about that guy?
Vasha? He is fucking freak. You see this? Apron? Why is he wearing that? He doesn't need to be wearing that. No, he's too... self-consciously scary.)
He's just a lot, you know? It's like, "We get it."
(No, no, no, I, uh - I want you to do it, Barry.
He wants you to do it, Barry.
Yeah, I don't - I don't wanna do this anymore.
You - you - you don't wanna - you don't - what?
Yeah, I - I - I - I don't do this anymore. I just don't wanna do it.
(Chechen: Help change his mind.) Lucky, man you kill, was Vacha's brother. Vacha was crying all day.
...Fuches teeth stuff)
Then you hit the bubbles, and then more bubbles come down.
(...
My daughter is having sleepover and we are being too loud.
...
If you hurt him anymore, I'll come back here and I'll kill all of you.)
He cares about Fuches. That's just nice.
---
Hey man. Are you seeing this beautiful morning? What are you doing? How are you?
(What am I doing? I'm set up to kill Paco like you asked me to. What do you mean, what am I doing?)
Oh, right. Duh. Ummm, here's the thing: I need you to wait, Barry, just a little bit longer for my signal.
(Wait? For what? Wait? What - what signal? Why?)
Because we sent bullet to the Bolivians.
(You sent a bullet to the Bolivians? What, like, in the mail?)
DHL. It's actually really cool. So, Paco is our informant within the Bolivians. We tell him, "Trust us. Tell us everything you know." He tell us, because he is stupid, and now we have to kill him before he tell other people he tell us.
(Okay, what does that have to do with mailing a bullet?)
See, this way, we send message to the Bolivians, get inside their heads. They open mail. Bullet. "What?" Phone rings. "Hello? Paco's dead? WHAT?" Little what leads to big what for full effect.
(Hank, you can't do this to me right now, alright? I'm fully exposed here. I gotta do this now. Alright? I gotta do it right now.)
Well, when I get DHL confirmation from www.DHL.com, alright, that's when you kill Paco. Can you be a bro for me, please? Wait for high sign?
(Hank, I got a clear shot of Paco right now. I'm taking him. I'm not waiting for some fucking bullet.)
I'd rather you did, though.
(Oh my god. I cannot fucking believe you're doing this to me, man. Fuck you. Fuck you and Pazar! Fuck you guys! Mailing a bullet? What fucking grade am I in, man? You bald fuck. Fuck you, man.)
Come on, you don't mean that. Website says it out for delivery, so the bullet should be arriving anytime between now and midnight. Bolivian time. So just wait, because if you do not, we do have Fuches here still with us, and I would hate for something to happen to him. I know you guys are best friends.
(Ah-ha, ha ha, ha ha ha.)
Barry? Hello? He must have bad reception.
(Did he ask how I was?)
No, but he did seem weirdly frustrated.
(Yeah, I couldn't help but overhear. You mailed a bullet? This Paco seems like a good informant. Why kill him at all?)
Look, the whole mailing bullet concept is something Goran's been workshopping for years now, and I just think, this time, we can really stick the landing with Paco.
(Hank! Hank, Hank. I just get call from home.)
Okay?
(They are sending Lucky's replacement. They are sending... Stovka.)
What? Oh my -- Stovka? He's coming here? Oh my god!
(Who's Stovka?
He is best assassin in history of Chechnya!)
Yes!
(A legend!)
Oh -- ow, okay, it's still tender, but he is beyond legend, okay? He has taken out whole armies by himself. He must've murdered over, what, hundreds?
(More. Way more. He is unreal. Simply unreal.)
Okay, when I was kid, I saw him once walking out of discotheque. He flicks cigarette at bird, knocked it out of sky. When will he be here?
(Within hour, they said.
Yeah, real quick: what does this mean for me and Barry?
We cross that bridge--)
We'll probably kill you, but I haven't checked with Goran yet.
(--when we get there.)
---
Nice. Nice. Great.
(Alright. That's enough, that's enough. Come on, get out. Go, go go. Back to work. Go.)
This one's going on the wall.
---
Yes! DHL shows bullet was delivered and signed for ten minutes ago.
(See, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
Hank. Leave.)
What? Come on, man. This is the thing!
(Get out!)
I will go tell Barry, then. Jeez Louise!
---
(Yep?)
Is it done?
("Is it done?" Hank, you know, I can't just walk up to his front door with a big fucking gun. That would be stupid. Right?)
Okay.
(Look, I'm in position and, uh, you know, these things take as long as they take.)
Okay.
(Okay? It's called being professional.)
Got it.
(Alright.)
It's just that timing is key.
(Right.)
Because to properly get into someone's head, it is truly--
---
(Hello?)
Hey man, how's it going?
(It's done.)
Sitting on good news, I could (ind)--
(Release Fuches.)
---
(The fucking police were at my house, asking me, "Do you recognise voice on camera? Do you know man who got away?" and I am thinking, "Yes, I - I know man who got away. It is same fucking moron who put lipstick camera in car." Too much heat. We must call off stash house hit, killing Bolivian leader, all of it.
Whoa, whoa. Goran, Goran--
I think that's a great idea, Goran. I think that's what we should do.
You know what? I got it. Goran, walk with me. Come on. Yeah, come on. I wanna tell you something. You play the market, Goran? Stocks, bonds? You ever heard of Warren Buffett, the world's greatest investor? He says, "Be bold!")
How great is this place? You know, Barry, if Goran calls off this hit, um, because of my video, I'm dead man.
(I don't care.)
No, I'm - I'm serious.
(I'm serious too. He should kill you. You brought a lipstick cam to a hit. Fucking idiot.)
What can I say, man? I'm a gearhead. You know? I love gack.
(Wow.)
And what is this talk about killing me? Come on. Cool your jets, man. You sound like a psychopath.
---
Oop, watch your step here.
(Ah, that's a big one.)
You know, if we knock down that wall, it would really open the place up. You know, clean up the blood, maybe add some French doors - maybe a ping pong table right there, you know? I'm just riffing.
(Now Cristobal will come here to US. [As Cristobal, getting on his knees:] "Hey, you took my fucking stash house! I'm going to slit your fucking throats!" And we will be waiting for him.)
Yes, because they are short, right.
(Right.)
Goran, this is great physical comedy of you.
(Ah, it costs, it costs.)
Oh, it's good though.
(What?
I have prezentatsiya for you. Okay, I take photos. All time, Barry no doing hits. Barry buy fancy new clothes. Barry have sex with nun. Barry buying new computer. No hit.)
You're so creepy, man. You're just so fucking creepy.
(You were following Barry? Who tell you to do this? Whole point is that Barry have no connection to our family. You follow him around and be personal photographer? That's connection! Why would you do this?
He kill my brother.)
Okay, you need to let that go. Okay?
(Oh my god. No one cares. It's so boring. Every day with "kill my brother". Look! Barry got us stash house! Beautiful super awesome sexy stash house.)
It's so nice.
(He does great work.
Let me kill him.
Are you deaf? Leave him alone.
Boss--
Look. Here, finally, is job that is tailor-made for you. Chop, chop, chop, blood and guts. You can wear your apron and your fucking creepy hockey mask. But no Barry.
no subject
(Why would I want to see this? Turn that off. Turn it off!)
Come on. I wanted to give him the whole--
(He gets it. You already said they are taking up in hotel. Why show footage?)
It's important for him to know!
(You are just impressed with yourself for planting camera.)
I am not impr--
(Trash that footage.)
Okay.
(So you guys want him gone?
Yes.)
Yes.
(Good, okay.)
We pay you--
(No, you don't pay me anything. Fuches takes care of the money. I just need his name and address, and it'll be done in a couple of days.)
That sounds good.
(Alright. Now, there's a lot of ways I can, uh, do this for you. Um... One of them is I could stab him in the nut. That's something I - I did once, and I am very comfortable doing it again.
What?
Or not.
Why?
Forget about it.
Who would want this?)
Can't you just shoot him?
(Yeah, no, I--)
Because being shot is very painful. Have you ever been shot? Huh. I have. It's, like, crazy painful.
(Anything is better than stabbing guy in nut.
I'll shoot him. I'll shoot him. I'll shoot him.)
Okay. Goran... I think he is going to shoot him.
---
What the fuck? What the fuck? They were hugging.
---
Now. Now, now, now, now, now. Now! Take the shot! Shoot him!
(Don't pull that gun on me, man. Don't pull that gun on me.)
Now! Take the shot! Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now!
---
You know, Barry, I have to be honest, I'm quite a bit angry. But I'm going to put that aside for now, because rage is counterproductive, yes? And I know, if the situation were reversed, I probably would have done same thing you did.
(You did do what I did. You tried to kill me.)
Okay, well, now we're getting little "he said, she said". Uh, okay, so, Barry - so, after you were finished shooting me, right, and, uh, I had lost consciousness, did you perhaps take something out of the car?
(No.)
No? Like, specifically off the dashboard, maybe?
(No.)
Small blinking item?
(Wait, you didn't bring that fucking lipstick camera with you, did you?)
What? No! That would be super crazy, huh? This conversation never happened, okay? Hey, Goran, Barry and Fuches, on the silver plate.
(You did not think I would find you? You killed two of my men. One of them, Lucky, was best Chechen assassin.
Well, he wasn't that great.
Hey, let's not--
You put me in big fucking bind, Barry. Lucky, he had job to do tonight. He was to take out guy who give us some confidential information.)
About a Bolivian stash house.
(Shut the fuck up.)
Oh.
(Now, I make calls to my family and they are sending someone to take Lucky's place, but who knows how long that will take. This hit is - this hit is urgent.
No way.
Why not?
Why would I work for you, man? You double-crossed me. I don't like it when people do that.
Aw. That's water under bridge.
Have one of these guys do it.
They are not assassins. They are muscle. Big difference.
Well, have Hank do it.
You fucked him up!)
Yeah. Yeah, this arm is bullshit.
(Right, well... What about that guy?
Vasha? He is fucking freak. You see this? Apron? Why is he wearing that? He doesn't need to be wearing that. No, he's too... self-consciously scary.)
He's just a lot, you know? It's like, "We get it."
(No, no, no, I, uh - I want you to do it, Barry.
He wants you to do it, Barry.
Yeah, I don't - I don't wanna do this anymore.
You - you - you don't wanna - you don't - what?
Yeah, I - I - I - I don't do this anymore. I just don't wanna do it.
(Chechen: Help change his mind.) Lucky, man you kill, was Vacha's brother. Vacha was crying all day.
...Fuches teeth stuff)
Then you hit the bubbles, and then more bubbles come down.
(...
My daughter is having sleepover and we are being too loud.
...
If you hurt him anymore, I'll come back here and I'll kill all of you.)
He cares about Fuches. That's just nice.
---
Hey man. Are you seeing this beautiful morning? What are you doing? How are you?
(What am I doing? I'm set up to kill Paco like you asked me to. What do you mean, what am I doing?)
Oh, right. Duh. Ummm, here's the thing: I need you to wait, Barry, just a little bit longer for my signal.
(Wait? For what? Wait? What - what signal? Why?)
Because we sent bullet to the Bolivians.
(You sent a bullet to the Bolivians? What, like, in the mail?)
DHL. It's actually really cool. So, Paco is our informant within the Bolivians. We tell him, "Trust us. Tell us everything you know." He tell us, because he is stupid, and now we have to kill him before he tell other people he tell us.
(Okay, what does that have to do with mailing a bullet?)
See, this way, we send message to the Bolivians, get inside their heads. They open mail. Bullet. "What?" Phone rings. "Hello? Paco's dead? WHAT?" Little what leads to big what for full effect.
(Hank, you can't do this to me right now, alright? I'm fully exposed here. I gotta do this now. Alright? I gotta do it right now.)
Well, when I get DHL confirmation from www.DHL.com, alright, that's when you kill Paco. Can you be a bro for me, please? Wait for high sign?
(Hank, I got a clear shot of Paco right now. I'm taking him. I'm not waiting for some fucking bullet.)
I'd rather you did, though.
(Oh my god. I cannot fucking believe you're doing this to me, man. Fuck you. Fuck you and Pazar! Fuck you guys! Mailing a bullet? What fucking grade am I in, man? You bald fuck. Fuck you, man.)
Come on, you don't mean that. Website says it out for delivery, so the bullet should be arriving anytime between now and midnight. Bolivian time. So just wait, because if you do not, we do have Fuches here still with us, and I would hate for something to happen to him. I know you guys are best friends.
(Ah-ha, ha ha, ha ha ha.)
Barry? Hello? He must have bad reception.
(Did he ask how I was?)
No, but he did seem weirdly frustrated.
(Yeah, I couldn't help but overhear. You mailed a bullet? This Paco seems like a good informant. Why kill him at all?)
Look, the whole mailing bullet concept is something Goran's been workshopping for years now, and I just think, this time, we can really stick the landing with Paco.
(Hank! Hank, Hank. I just get call from home.)
Okay?
(They are sending Lucky's replacement. They are sending... Stovka.)
What? Oh my -- Stovka? He's coming here? Oh my god!
(Who's Stovka?
He is best assassin in history of Chechnya!)
Yes!
(A legend!)
Oh -- ow, okay, it's still tender, but he is beyond legend, okay? He has taken out whole armies by himself. He must've murdered over, what, hundreds?
(More. Way more. He is unreal. Simply unreal.)
Okay, when I was kid, I saw him once walking out of discotheque. He flicks cigarette at bird, knocked it out of sky. When will he be here?
(Within hour, they said.
Yeah, real quick: what does this mean for me and Barry?
We cross that bridge--)
We'll probably kill you, but I haven't checked with Goran yet.
(--when we get there.)
---
Nice. Nice. Great.
(Alright. That's enough, that's enough. Come on, get out. Go, go go. Back to work. Go.)
This one's going on the wall.
---
Yes! DHL shows bullet was delivered and signed for ten minutes ago.
(See, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
Hank. Leave.)
What? Come on, man. This is the thing!
(Get out!)
I will go tell Barry, then. Jeez Louise!
---
(Yep?)
Is it done?
("Is it done?" Hank, you know, I can't just walk up to his front door with a big fucking gun. That would be stupid. Right?)
Okay.
(Look, I'm in position and, uh, you know, these things take as long as they take.)
Okay.
(Okay? It's called being professional.)
Got it.
(Alright.)
It's just that timing is key.
(Right.)
Because to properly get into someone's head, it is truly--
---
(Hello?)
Hey man, how's it going?
(It's done.)
Sitting on good news, I could (ind)--
(Release Fuches.)
---
(The fucking police were at my house, asking me, "Do you recognise voice on camera? Do you know man who got away?" and I am thinking, "Yes, I - I know man who got away. It is same fucking moron who put lipstick camera in car." Too much heat. We must call off stash house hit, killing Bolivian leader, all of it.
Whoa, whoa. Goran, Goran--
I think that's a great idea, Goran. I think that's what we should do.
You know what? I got it. Goran, walk with me. Come on. Yeah, come on. I wanna tell you something. You play the market, Goran? Stocks, bonds? You ever heard of Warren Buffett, the world's greatest investor? He says, "Be bold!")
How great is this place? You know, Barry, if Goran calls off this hit, um, because of my video, I'm dead man.
(I don't care.)
No, I'm - I'm serious.
(I'm serious too. He should kill you. You brought a lipstick cam to a hit. Fucking idiot.)
What can I say, man? I'm a gearhead. You know? I love gack.
(Wow.)
And what is this talk about killing me? Come on. Cool your jets, man. You sound like a psychopath.
---
Oop, watch your step here.
(Ah, that's a big one.)
You know, if we knock down that wall, it would really open the place up. You know, clean up the blood, maybe add some French doors - maybe a ping pong table right there, you know? I'm just riffing.
(Now Cristobal will come here to US. [As Cristobal, getting on his knees:] "Hey, you took my fucking stash house! I'm going to slit your fucking throats!" And we will be waiting for him.)
Yes, because they are short, right.
(Right.)
Goran, this is great physical comedy of you.
(Ah, it costs, it costs.)
Oh, it's good though.
(What?
I have prezentatsiya for you. Okay, I take photos. All time, Barry no doing hits. Barry buy fancy new clothes. Barry have sex with nun. Barry buying new computer. No hit.)
You're so creepy, man. You're just so fucking creepy.
(You were following Barry? Who tell you to do this? Whole point is that Barry have no connection to our family. You follow him around and be personal photographer? That's connection! Why would you do this?
He kill my brother.)
Okay, you need to let that go. Okay?
(Oh my god. No one cares. It's so boring. Every day with "kill my brother". Look! Barry got us stash house! Beautiful super awesome sexy stash house.)
It's so nice.
(He does great work.
Let me kill him.
Are you deaf? Leave him alone.
Boss--
Look. Here, finally, is job that is tailor-made for you. Chop, chop, chop, blood and guts. You can wear your apron and your fucking creepy hockey mask. But no Barry.
Okay. I leave Barry alone.)